- I don’t know that I’ve read parodies of Twilight, but I have read other vampire books. The Sookie Stackhouse books are pretty amusing for beach reading—they take their vampire-human relationships a little less seriously than Twilight does, although there’s the obligatory bloodshed and sexual tension.
- My friends and I definitely schemed to attract guys in high school. We would push each other down the stairs at Applebee’s so the cute bus boy would ask us, “Are you okay?” And we would pretend to be lost at track meets, wander around the hallways of other schools until we found someone attractive to ask for directions. So I guess rather than changing my persona, I just added a dose of damsel-in-distress. Finbar pretends to be dangerous—I pretended to be in danger.
- Oh, man! I love the beach, so I’d really be bummed. But I’d probably tunnel out an underground passageway between my house and the library, so I could pick up all the vampire books and Mad Men DVDs I put on hold.
- Well, I went to Notre Dame, where very few men needed foundation to be pale. And they didn’t look too trendy to me. I predict that the Jersey Shore and vampire crazes will cancel each other out, and you should embrace a natural skin tone somewhere in the middle.
- Everyone’s been getting too casual lately. Vampires, class it up! Take off those sweatpants and put on a cape! After all, it worked for our generation’s first vampire crush, the Count from Sesame Street. He was way ahead on this trend.
- Edward just seems too emo. I know he can read minds, but even that is kind of an emo superpower. Stefan looks like a pretty boy. When he’s fighting to defend Sookie, Bill is pretty ferocious. I think he would win. As much as I love Finbar, I’m not putting any money on him. I hope he at least gets a black eye and a badass story out of it.
- Maybe Johnny Depp? He’s always wearing some glasses and a hat, like he’s in disguise. And he doesn’t talk to anyone. He’s definitely got something to hide. Although I don’t see him as soulless. A man without a soul would not have appeared in the movie Chocolat.
- Being a werewolf would require too much waxing. Zombies don’t seem too intellectual, and a good conversation is very important to me. Killer unicorns and evil fairies are bad by definition. Of course vampires are bad, too, but they have style. I’ll make Finbar jealous and become a legit vampire.
You can find my review of Bloodthirsty here.