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Win a copy of Nobody and Every Other Day by Jennifer Lynn Barnes (ends 2/20)

Monday, September 28, 2009

Monday Mystery: Lara Zielin

1. Which flavor of a donut do you like best? Which donut shop to you get your donuts from? What is one flavor that must be made possible!

It’s a little lame of me, but I’m a powdered-sugar donut kind of girl. I just never met one I didn’t love. But, don’t get me wrong. I’ll chow down on a cruller, a chocolate glazed, a crème-filled … just about any donut, anywhere, anytime.

Recently, I have started buying my donuts at Dunkin’ Donuts, but I like to buy local so I think I’ll start sniffing around for the best mom and pop donut shop in my hood. If a donut shop near where I lived could make a chocolate and peanut butter donut, I would crumple to the floor in a happy faint. I might never stop eating them. Om nom nom.

2. Can you squeeze yourself into a cabinet when playing hide-and-seek? Name your best hiding spot? Behind your hands?

Please. I just wrote a book about donuts. I’m not squeezing myself into much of anything these days.

My best hiding spot as a kid was in a bathroom closet at the end of a long hall. The closet was huge and I could ball up in the bottom of it with some towels in front of me. No one ever knew I was there. Lara: 1; Searchers: 0.

3. When playing jump rope with someone else, have you ever considered "accidentally" tripping them with the rope during a mid-jump?

Uh, yeah. Totally. Because grade school? Can be brutal. Brutal, I tell you. Sometimes the only way you get back at someone for blabbing to Justin Bernacke that you have a crush on him is to trip them with the jump rope at recess. Also, it makes it look like an accident, which saves you from having to go to the principal’s office. This is all hypothetical off course. *coughs*

4. Ever had taco flavored Doritos? Would you like some?

Okay, I’m gaining weight just reading these questions. First donuts, now Doritos. But yeah, I want some. Is the Pope Catholic? Much like the powdered-sugar donuts, I never met a chip I didn’t love. Except maybe salt and vinegar chips. There’s something about the vinegar that doesn’t sit with me. Maybe I just haven’t spent enough time in England eating them with some fish.

5. If an acquaintance hands you a questionable brown piece of candy and calls it chocolate, would you do any of the following:
a) sniff it
b)bring it to your mouth, pretend to put in your mouth with your entire palm covering said mouth, then pretend to chew very loudly while the "candy" is still in your hand
c) say thank you and that you'll eat it later so it won't ruin your appetite
d) accidentally throwing it at her/his face saying that there was a bee near him/her and had reacted so swiftly that the candy flew out of your hand
e) claim that you're allergic to anything with sugar
f) no response then fake faint/dizziness

Okay, this interview is officially making me fat. But I would do C. Because I’m a Midwesterner and we’re very polite. We don’t like to tell someone that their questionable candy looks disgusting and we’d rather lick the bottom of our mousepad. No, we simply accept the candy, smile graciously, and say that we can’t wait to eat it later. And then we throw it in the trash. But no feelings were hurt! This is important. (Also, I’d like to say for the record that I love option D, but I’m not that quick on my feet.)

6. If you had to live in a room with dolls, which doll would you pick? Barbie? My Little Pony? G.I. Joe?

Do I really have to live in a room with dolls? Is this my only option? Because a room full of dolls does not a good night’s sleep make. I’m just saying.

But okay, I would pick all the above. In the interests of giving them all more diverse life experiences, I’d make G.I. Joe ride My Little Pony to the Dream House. Barbie wouldn’t be there because she’d be with Snake Eyes fighting some epic military battle (turns out she’s really good at languages and she’s serving as a critical interpreter). Then, maybe just for kicks, I’d get Rainbow Bright in there and make Barbie give her a makeover because those rainbow tights and that stringy yarn hair are SO not flattering.

7. Little blue truck. Assess this.

It’s owned by the reclusive and not-oft-mentioned Garbage Smurf, who is always trying to get Smurfette to go out with him, but she consistently refuses because he smells like damp pretzels.

8. Type all the emoticons you know of.

Rather, if I may, I’d like to type the best icon in the whole world. My husband and I created it when we were dating. Are you ready? World, I give you …. PIRATE KITTY!


Yar. Mew.

9. :D :) :/ :l :( D: >:( o_o o_O O_O x.x
This is a sneak preview of a review I'm planning to do, can you describe my though process?

Clearly you had great hopes for this book. As you delved deeper into it, it began to disappoint. It only got worse. It shocked you with its high, high level of crapitude. Eventually, you died a little inside – a small corner of your heart actually began to decompose and rot – because it was so terrible. To this, I say I’m sorry.

10. Boxers or briefs?

Uuuuh. Um. Well, I’m not … I mean, I don’t. Er. Hey look over there! It’s my new website!


  1. Great interview! I really enjoyed it and I gotta say it was pretty hilarious. Loved the last two questions & their responses!! It definitely made me laugh out loud.
    Plus, a pirate kitty! That was EPIC.

    --Staysi :]

  2. Yan, have I ever told you that I would like to borrow your brain whenever I come up with interview questions?

    Also, I need to get a copy of Donut Days ASAP.

  3. Pirate kitty! That rocks so much more than my regular, everyday kitty: =^..^=

    Fantastic interview!

  4. You should post more of the interviews. I think I like them better than the reviews :D

  5. Haha this interview was great! I enjoyed the last two questions! Nice job!