TwiLite: A Parody by Stephen Jenner (April 27th 2009—Virtualbookworm.org)
Grade: 2.8 / 3 stars out of 5
Summary: “Love between a teenage girl and a vampire can be a beautiful thing. Then again, it can get a little ugly. Just ask Stella Crow. Stella is a clumsy but otherwise ordinary girl whose life takes a radical turn the moment she meets Edweird. Though perfect on the outside, Edweird Sullen is remarkably unrefined on the inside. He also happens to be a one hundred year old vampire, trapped in the body of a teenage boy, who has yet to finish high school. Nonetheless, Stella is unconditionally smitten with him. But not everything is rosy in this gloomiest of towns. Edweird's enemies have sworn to put a tragic end to their romance. Against all odds, the bond between Stella and Edweird is *nearly* strong enough for their love to survive. Most love stories between an impossibly handsome vampire and an ungainly young woman have a magical ending. This one—not so much.”
Review: Die hard fans of Twilight, you might want to cover your eyes should you ever pass this book. This parody is such—a parody “humorous or satirical mimicry”.
Haters of Twilight will laugh until their pants fall off. Stephen Jenner holds nothing back when “gently poking” fun this New York Times Bestseller. Hell it even pokes fun of the parody.
Fans of Twilights but not the crazy ones, you will still laugh your pants off.
‘“So it’s true, isn’t it? The whole lot of you—vampires? …You crave me; you yearn for me, and you can barely contain yourself from killing me—that’s why you love me and hate me all at the same time…. No human can compete with you. That’s why girls and women of all ages swoon all over you. Hell, if someone wrote a book about you, well, it’d sell a million copies the day it was released. And if someone else was clever enough to write a parody—you know, to provide some comic relief during these extremely difficult economic times—that would probably be an even bigger seller, or at least it should be.”—Stella when she figures out that the Sullens are vampires
“I hope to see you soon, certainly no later than when book number two comes out, published by the fine people at Little, Brown and Company, and read to you on audio books by Ilyana Kadushin.”—Stella’s letter to Mom aka Gargantuan Sideshow Lady
And let’s not forgot the many, many, many luscious descriptions of how hot Edward it as Stephen Jenner liked to point out:
“His buns were forged from Bethlehem steel. A hunk of coal would be transformed into a perfect diamond should they find their way between those luscious cheeks. Oh, and he has perfect hair too. Really nice-like.”
“His blueberry eyes were gleaming down at me; his French vanilla teeth peeking behind those cherry red lips; his pectorals tenderly danced like ripe mangoes under his form-fitting shirt. I had this sudden urge for a fruit shake.”
“Dang, you are one smart girl. And pretty, too. Scientifically speaking, I can safely say that you are pretty smart.”—Edweird, scene in biology examining cells
The down side to this book would be the fact that it gets stupid at the end. It started out hilarious in the beginning but then died a bit then just sucked. I think it may be the fact that I didn’t relish the book and instead plowed through it. If you by any chance read the book, stop every now and then to maintain the novelty of this book.
This book also needs more editing. At one point the author calls Casper his actual name—Jasper. That’s a big no-no.
Overall: He knows where to hit it where it hurts. Better editing would make this a lot better though.
Ha! Even the cover is chuckle worthy!