Next up is Kristin Walker!
Have you heard about 'Hooters'? Do you wanna join them or are they too conservative for you?
I tried to join, but they said I’d throw off the hotness curve by too much. In other words, I was a hotness outlier.
I didn’t realize until later that they meant I was an outlier on the low end.
But who knew that Hooters operated on such a precise mathematical algorithm? I know! I was shocked, too.
In your opinion are the Pussycat Dolls conservative based on your new lifestyle?
I don’t even put them on the guest list for my parties anymore.
What made you join a nudist camp?
I didn’t. I was kidnapped. But then they took my clothes, and what was I supposed to do? It’s not like I could hitch-hike home. Or drive. I mean, where would I keep my keys?
What did your husband think of that idea?
He was cool with it until they took his clothes, too.
Are you open minded?
I absolutely refuse to acknowledge any merit in that question. La-la-la-la, I’m not listeningggggg. Everything I believe is correct and everything else is wronggggg.
Do you enjoy showing your love to others?
I prefer just to email them about it.
When joining the nudist colony, do you make an campfire, burn your clothes and dance around the fire?
Unfortunately, that hasn’t been done since the Tragic Polyester Fume Poisoning of 1977.
Let’s take a moment of silence…
Do you have to have a bikini wax?
No, only the men do.
Do you feel pressured to be thin, waxed, and beautiful in the camp or do you love your body the way it is?
How do you know I’m NOT thin, waxed, and beautiful, HUH? Who told you? Mary Lou? Was it Mary Lou? It was, wasn’t it? She lies.
Do you feel sexy with high heels with nothing else on?
Please…you could be wearing high heels with a hospital robe and feel sexy. High heels make everything sexy. It’s true! Think about it:
Wetsuit = not sexy; Wetsuit + high heels = sexy
Overalls = not sexy; Overalls + high heels = sexy
Skanky, ripped sweatpants you’ve had for seven years and your dad’s old undershirt with paint drips all over it and armpit stains = not sexy; Skanky, ripped sweatpants you’ve had for seven years and your dad’s old undershirt with paint drips all over it and armpit stains + high heels = …okay, still not sexy. Actually, it’s kind of psychotic. Well, that one doesn’t work.
Is it weird to see all those dangling, jiggling body parts?
How did you find out about my irrational fear of butcher shops? Mary Lou again! Damn her!
Do your boobs hurt after all that bouncing when you run/dance?
Oh, there’s no bouncing. I just roll them up and tuck them in my armpits. (Hey, you try nursing babies for half a decade and see how yours look.)
What's your best asset? (body wise)
I have exceptional earlobes. Truly, I do. Even Mary Lou will tell you so. People comment on my earlobes all the time. Although they may say that they love my earrings or that my earrings are stunning, I know they really mean my earlobes. It’s just that white-hot jealousy prevents them from being forthright.
Do you like to frolic in the nude? Do you like to frolic in the nude with others?
I have never frolicked in my life and never will. Nude or otherwise. How dare you suggest such a thing as frolicking? Disgusting. You should be ashamed.
Does your husband get jealous of the leers that you get?
He gets plenty of leers of his own! He doesn’t need to be jealous of mine. Sheesh.
Is hugging weird or a turn on?
Depends on what I’m hugging. Hugging a clown? Weird. Hugging a Birkin Bag? Turn on.
(But just to clarify, I’d never be so shallow and materialistic as to hug a clown.)
Do you sit on other people's laps? If so, what's that like?
Well, yes, and I must say it’s rather uncomfortable, noisy, and remarkably expensive. Oh, wait…I thought you said “sit on other people’s laptops.” Does that count?
Anything else you want to add?
Yes, please. If you don’t mind…564,828 + 9,731,094 = 10,295,922
Phew, thank you. I needed to get that off my chest.
This was super fun! Thanks!
Kristin is giving an ARC of her debut book A Match Made in High School (which by the way is hilarious!) along with some bookmarks! This is a Canada and US giveaway only!
All you need to do is answer the following question: Do you like to frolic in the nude with others? Why or why not?
The winning entry will need to have creativity, execution, and by far the most important, humor. Meaning this is NOT a random giveaway. There is no limit to how much you can write or how little you need to write.
For a second chance to win, head on over to Carol's blog where you will receive a second question to answer. Please leave the answer to her question of HER blog. Only one winner will be chosen from the combined entries, from both mine and hers.
All entries (for all the giveaways) must be received, via commented or emailed, by 25th of April. Winners will be announced at the same time later that week.