Dun dun dun...Sarah Quigley aka Ms. Alien!
Why do you probe brains?
Out of boredom, mainly. I’m awful at croquet, and teenage zombies stole my television, so brain-probing is a good way to pass the time.
Do you collect the juices to pickle your food?
I prefer to reduce the juices to create thick dipping sauces. I’m very big on dips, garnishes, and fixings (pronounced without the g).
What do you eat?
Anything I can kill, really.
Is that skin tone natural?
How come you have long, ugly looking fingers?
Well, the answer to that is a personal matter between me and a young manicurist who once made a huge mistake and paid dearly for it.
How come your eyes are so huge?
The plastic surgeon ran out of breast implants, and I told him I wasn’t leaving without a cosmetic procedure.
What's your language called?
Can you teach us a bit?
There’s nothing to it. Just shout “Braaaains!” as loudly as you can until you start to feel dizzy. Presto! You’re fluent.
How can you tell the difference between male and female aliens?besides the boobs (since girls can be sensitive about being flat chested)
The male aliens never ask for directions back to their home planet.
Has your race learned a method of killing roaches?
Why would we want to kill roaches? They are much more fun to eat when we can feel them crawling down our esophagi and into our stomachs.
How long has your race existed?
We’re putting out a silver edition box set next year.
Do you guys like music?
Is techno your fave?
It has to be German techno. The Germans are the only ones who get it right.
Will you beam Sharon's cats to outer space? Or do you not like zombie cats?
I don’t pay much attention to cats, zombie or otherwise. Their brains are too small.
How long did it take you to build your UFO? What do you call it?
It took forever because of my busy brain-probing schedule. I sacrificed many evenings and weekends to complete it. It’s called Brain Vector I.
What's your favorite American food?
Creamed brains on toast
Have you met other alien species? What were they like? Are they as nice as you?
I was seeing someone from another galaxy for a while, but I broke it off when things got too serious. It [my ex] was a sweetheart, though, and I found all of its noses very attractive. It wouldn’t have been fair to lead it on, though. With all the brain-probing I have to do, I don’t have time for a committed relationship.
How many galaxies have you been to?
The number is small and pitiful.
How long does it take to travel a certain amount of distance?
It all depends on how well Brain Vector I is functioning. Lately, she’s required a few repairs that I haven’t had time to make, so we travel through space like Sunday drivers.
Is marriage between different species frowned upon?
Heavens no! I was at a beautiful interspecies wedding last week. I cried my eyes out. Literally. They were rolling all over the place.
Why are you green?
Too much spinach
Why no nose?
There’d be no room on my face for my second mouth and third eyeball, would there?
What types of organs do you have? Do you have a bladder? Lungs? Heart?
My organs are a personal matter, and I’m afraid that if I tell you about them, you’ll want to eat them.
Fave Earth shows?
I can’t get enough of The Bachelor. Human mating rituals are fascinating.
Can you travel to the sun or do you burn up and die like we do?
I go there all the time. I wrap myself in aluminum foil first. When I leave, my skin is nicely carmelized.
Is our humor and your humor the same or is the American way "rude"?
Humor is not an either/or proposition for me, but if you think Americans are rude, just visit my planet. You’ll be shocked.
Can you kill Hugh Hefner?
I don’t have time. And anyway, look at him! He’s bound to kick the bucket sooner rather than later.
Do you have child predators like we do?
No. Beings on my planet become juicier and more tender with age. The children are tough and flavorless, so nobody hunts them. The senior citizens go missing all the time, though.
Do you guys have a middle finger? How do you curse in your language? (because when first learning a new language you must learn the curses first).
We have so many fingers that it would be impossible to designate which one is in the middle. As for cursing, we shout “Braaaains!” like usual and hope that those around us pick up on our angry vibes.
What's your laugh like?
Like a jet engine, only louder.
Do you guys own clothes or are you also part of the nudist camps?
You humans and your clothes! What a waste of time and money. No one from my planet can be bothered with clothes, but the fact that we’re all naked doesn’t make us nudists, either.
Do you read Earth YA books? If so, which one did you recently read or are reading?
Absolutely! That’s some of the best reading in the universe. I greatly enjoyed Envy, the latest installment in The Luxe series by Anna Godbersen. I’m looking forward to The Season by Sarah MacLean next. Period romances are my current obsession. I just wish there were more brain-probing scenes, though. I’m having trouble identifying with the characters.
What do you think of our society's body image?
It’s similar to my own society’s. Everyone I know wants longer antennae, and some of my friends have even had surgical augmentation.
So how was writing a book that's completely different from your true language?
I had my handy pocket translator to help me. I also frequently consulted my brother, who was a high school exchange student on Earth.
Why did you have a main character who spills everything to everyone?
Because all the books coming out on my planet were about brain-eating aliens with long, ugly fingers. I wanted to try something different, set myself apart from the herd.
What is your alien name?
Do you eat brains like Alec Baldwin does in the commercial for hulu.com?
Most certainly not. I slurp them up through my trunk.
Sarah is giving away signed TMI bookmarks, a homemade crocheted nose warmer (her own design), and her grandma’s chocolate cake recipe (the best!).
This is an INTERNATIONAL giveaway!
All you need to do is answer the following question: How many galaxies have you been to? And can you describe them?
The winning entry will need to have creativity, execution, and by far the most important, humor. Meaning this is NOT a random giveaway. There is no limit to how much you can write or how little you need to write.
For a second chance to win, head on over to Carol's blog where you will receive a second question to answer. Please leave the answer to her question on HER blog. Only one winner will be chosen from the combined entries (meaning we will pick one winner from all the entries from both mine and her blog).
All entries (for all the giveaways) must be received, via commented or emailed, by 25th of April. Winners will be announced at the same time later that week.
Deal Alert - Just Friends by Monica Murphy for $.99!
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