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Win a copy of Nobody and Every Other Day by Jennifer Lynn Barnes (ends 2/20)

Monday, April 6, 2009

Stop Making Those Googly Eyes!

Dun dun dun...Sarah Quigley aka Ms. Alien!
Why do you probe brains?
Out of boredom, mainly. I’m awful at croquet, and teenage zombies stole my television, so brain-probing is a good way to pass the time.

Do you collect the juices to pickle your food?
I prefer to reduce the juices to create thick dipping sauces. I’m very big on dips, garnishes, and fixings (pronounced without the g).

What do you eat?
Anything I can kill, really.

Is that skin tone natural?
I wish.

How come you have long, ugly looking fingers?
Well, the answer to that is a personal matter between me and a young manicurist who once made a huge mistake and paid dearly for it.

How come your eyes are so huge?
The plastic surgeon ran out of breast implants, and I told him I wasn’t leaving without a cosmetic procedure.

What's your language called?

Can you teach us a bit?
There’s nothing to it. Just shout “Braaaains!” as loudly as you can until you start to feel dizzy. Presto! You’re fluent.

How can you tell the difference between male and female aliens?besides the boobs (since girls can be sensitive about being flat chested)
The male aliens never ask for directions back to their home planet.

Has your race learned a method of killing roaches?
Why would we want to kill roaches? They are much more fun to eat when we can feel them crawling down our esophagi and into our stomachs.

How long has your race existed?
We’re putting out a silver edition box set next year.

Do you guys like music?
Very much.

Is techno your fave?
It has to be German techno. The Germans are the only ones who get it right.

Will you beam Sharon's cats to outer space? Or do you not like zombie cats?
I don’t pay much attention to cats, zombie or otherwise. Their brains are too small.

How long did it take you to build your UFO? What do you call it?
It took forever because of my busy brain-probing schedule. I sacrificed many evenings and weekends to complete it. It’s called Brain Vector I.

What's your favorite American food?
Creamed brains on toast

Have you met other alien species? What were they like? Are they as nice as you?
I was seeing someone from another galaxy for a while, but I broke it off when things got too serious. It [my ex] was a sweetheart, though, and I found all of its noses very attractive. It wouldn’t have been fair to lead it on, though. With all the brain-probing I have to do, I don’t have time for a committed relationship.

How many galaxies have you been to?
The number is small and pitiful.

How long does it take to travel a certain amount of distance?
It all depends on how well Brain Vector I is functioning. Lately, she’s required a few repairs that I haven’t had time to make, so we travel through space like Sunday drivers.

Is marriage between different species frowned upon?
Heavens no! I was at a beautiful interspecies wedding last week. I cried my eyes out. Literally. They were rolling all over the place.

Why are you green?
Too much spinach

Why no nose?
There’d be no room on my face for my second mouth and third eyeball, would there?

What types of organs do you have? Do you have a bladder? Lungs? Heart?
My organs are a personal matter, and I’m afraid that if I tell you about them, you’ll want to eat them.

Fave Earth shows?
I can’t get enough of The Bachelor. Human mating rituals are fascinating.

Can you travel to the sun or do you burn up and die like we do?
I go there all the time. I wrap myself in aluminum foil first. When I leave, my skin is nicely carmelized.

Is our humor and your humor the same or is the American way "rude"?
Humor is not an either/or proposition for me, but if you think Americans are rude, just visit my planet. You’ll be shocked.

Can you kill Hugh Hefner?
I don’t have time. And anyway, look at him! He’s bound to kick the bucket sooner rather than later.

Do you have child predators like we do?
No. Beings on my planet become juicier and more tender with age. The children are tough and flavorless, so nobody hunts them. The senior citizens go missing all the time, though.

Do you guys have a middle finger? How do you curse in your language? (because when first learning a new language you must learn the curses first).
We have so many fingers that it would be impossible to designate which one is in the middle. As for cursing, we shout “Braaaains!” like usual and hope that those around us pick up on our angry vibes.

What's your laugh like?
Like a jet engine, only louder.

Do you guys own clothes or are you also part of the nudist camps?
You humans and your clothes! What a waste of time and money. No one from my planet can be bothered with clothes, but the fact that we’re all naked doesn’t make us nudists, either.

Do you read Earth YA books? If so, which one did you recently read or are reading?
Absolutely! That’s some of the best reading in the universe. I greatly enjoyed Envy, the latest installment in The Luxe series by Anna Godbersen. I’m looking forward to The Season by Sarah MacLean next. Period romances are my current obsession. I just wish there were more brain-probing scenes, though. I’m having trouble identifying with the characters.

What do you think of our society's body image?
It’s similar to my own society’s. Everyone I know wants longer antennae, and some of my friends have even had surgical augmentation.

So how was writing a book that's completely different from your true language?
I had my handy pocket translator to help me. I also frequently consulted my brother, who was a high school exchange student on Earth.

Why did you have a main character who spills everything to everyone?
Because all the books coming out on my planet were about brain-eating aliens with long, ugly fingers. I wanted to try something different, set myself apart from the herd.

What is your alien name?
Fruity Candypants

Do you eat brains like Alec Baldwin does in the commercial for hulu.com?
Most certainly not. I slurp them up through my trunk.
Sarah is giving away signed TMI bookmarks, a homemade crocheted nose warmer (her own design), and her grandma’s chocolate cake recipe (the best!).

This is an INTERNATIONAL giveaway!

All you need to do is answer the following question: How many galaxies have you been to? And can you describe them?

The winning entry will need to have creativity, execution, and by far the most important, humor. Meaning this is NOT a random giveaway. There is no limit to how much you can write or how little you need to write.

For a second chance to win, head on over to Carol's blog where you will receive a second question to answer. Please leave the answer to her question on HER blog. Only one winner will be chosen from the combined entries (meaning we will pick one winner from all the entries from both mine and her blog).

All entries (for all the giveaways) must be received, via commented or emailed, by 25th of April. Winners will be announced at the same time later that week.


  1. I've only been to two galaxies and booking a flight for my third one. The first one was absolutely strange! No matter where I went, I had these round, pink bubbles flying around me everywhere! They were so pretty! But if you get near them, they pop. So I never got a chance to bring one home as a souvenir. It's almost like mocking me. Like, "Haha, I'm pretty but you can't have me! Nya nya nya!"

    The second one was full of floating, naked purple critters. They seemed to like to ram into my spaceship. And they do it often. Can't sleep with those guys around. Every other second you look out, their face would be plastered against the window. They don't ram randomly, they do it on purpose! I swear to go, I had make the ship's exterior be blind like the sun to scare them off. Sadly, it didn't affect a few and they kept on ramming. Sigh.

  2. I have had the luck to travel to many other galaxies. I had been looking for some time for a planet of zombie cat people with no luck. Finally when I hit the last galaxy in the universe I got lucky. There is this little green planet called Meow in galaxy ep-10596. It is filled with nothing but zombie cat people and little humans midgets. The zombie cats breed the human midgets so that they will never run out of a good supply of human brains. I quickly took a trip to planet Meow to visit with their queen zombie. Thankfully, I am 5'10 so I did not have to worry about any of them wanting to eat my tall person brains. So, I met with the zombie queen and she agreed to let me live on the planet and help them breed midgets. The end.

  3. I have not traveled outside my own galaxy as I am extremely agoraphobic and can't even leave mu own house. My friends send me the nicest postcards but if I even try and step outside i start crying and turn in to a puddle.

  4. How many galaxies have you been to? And can you describe them?

    I am planning a trip for a third galaxy, it would be more but I'm not made of money. Although the Kerching Galaxy is.

    The first galaxy I visited was the Kerching Galaxy. There were these orange trees with money hanging off of them. The money isn't worth a lot though. You need five thousang kesepees (their currency) for a loaf of bread.

    The second galaxy I visited was the Confectionary Galaxy. The lamp-posts were liquorice sticks. The local people, Confectioners, lived in large houses, made of chocolate. Some had a frosting decoration, others didn't. It's a matter of opinion. The poor can eat the flowers, made of pure sugar. Oh, and there sure are a hell of alot of dentists at Confectionary Galaxy.

    I don't know where I'll go next. Maybe Urinaling Galaxy...

  5. This great, I am enjoying the April Fools interviews, it's just that I'm international so mostly can't enter. I'm posting a roundup of contests right now though and definitely including this.

    How many galaxies? Far too many. They are smooth and brown and tasty. At every vending machine I go to, those galaxy chocolate bars call to me =)

  6. Just this one, because it's too awesome to leave. There's this huge path going through, right? And ... well, if you're lactose intolerant, I suggest shying away.

    Yup, that's right.

    It's the

    Milky Way.

  7. I personally have not had the time yet to go to another galaxy but I am currently planning one for a galaxy where all the people have three heads, 5 legs and 3 arms, and thay all have monkeys on their shoulders at all times. Hopefully I can explain it better in a few months.


  8. So far I've only been to 3 galaxies, (with my parents struggling in this tough economy.. The problem is affecting the universe!). Way too poor to go to another one. Anyways, the first one I went to was Ocat Galaxy.

    Ocat Galaxy was really odd, there were floating tacos everywhere. And the worst part was that none of them even had any brains! The closest thing to brains that they have is ground beef. Which is horrible for my species' digestion. It only leads to heartburn I tell you! But it was alright, because when we went there we were smart enough to bring some Pepto-Bismol.

    The second one I went to was the Brain Galaxy. Pretty self-explanatory of what was there. Little brains, big brains. Juicy brains, dry brains. Smart brains, stupid brains. Old brains, new brains. (I'm SO becoming the next Dr. Seuss!) That galaxy was complete heaven for me.

    The last one I went to was the Milky Way Galaxy, where the Earth is. I have to say, humans have THEE most delicious brains I've ever tasted, except for this one brain at Brain Galaxy. I just hate how the second your UFO starts to fly down, the humans start getting all freaked out! It's so annoying. Everyone pulls out their camera and starts taking picture. Seriously, the flash hurts our eyes! I'd appreciate it if everyone would turn their stupid flash off.


  9. Just two. This one, which is, well, y'all know what this one's like, right? If you don't, I'm worried.

    The other... it was odd, to say the least. Everywhere you looked there were these weird purple rabbits. I assumed the taller ones, at about four feet tall, were the adults, and the rest were children, but who knows? It could have been the other way around for all I know. I wasn't able to comunicate with them. If you got near them, they'd just stop and stare at you with those huge creepy eyes, just... stare and stare and stare. Unless you tried to touch the small ones, then they'd throw Day-Glo orange cabbages (or perhaps lettuce heads) at you. The rest of the time, they just stared.

    I still have nightmares about those eyes.


  10. I've just been to two.

    First, there was The Milky Way Galaxy where it was all very wet. Then it started to rain cereal which wasn't so bad at first till it all began to melt and turn to mush. Boy was that just gross!

    The second galaxy was called The Galaxative. I don't want to talk about it.

  11. I have not only been to over 100 galaxies, I have slipped through the cracks in universes and seen things you, a puny human, could never even imagine.

    One galaxy I visited is known to its inhabitants only as The Realm of the Gods. They have discovered the secret to immortality, but they don't use it to do anything cool like taking over worlds and smiting evildoers. They pretty much just laze around and play card games.

    Another one you would be interested in visiting would be the the Galaxy of Lost Things, where you can find such things as Atlantis, Elvis, and all those socks that go missing in the wash.

    Finally, there is a galaxy located in a 6 dimentional universe that I am particularly fond of. Unfortunately, if I tried to even describe it to you, your head would explode.

    paradoxrevealed (at) aim (dot) com

  12. One actually. There are these people in one planet from the galaxy Milky Way called 'humans'. Like one half of them are yadidadida happy and the other half is like blood blood blood dead. And I like visited this places they call a bar and like this girl that was like I don't know how old and like she started singing some song called like Oops I did it again and I like started laughing and I like booed her and like the manager like kicked like me like out and like did you like know like that like these like 'humans' like like to use like a like lot?

  13. I've actually been to thirty seven--one (or eight depending on how you look at it) was like those Russian dolls...

    Other than that, though I can't describe any of them to you. The CIA and NSA and GIS have me under *very* strict orders to keep my mouth shut. I had hoped that after Obama became President, some of that secrecy would be lifted, but no such luck.

    I can say, however, that five of them are very, very accurately depicted in some Doctor Who episodes. (You'll know them when you see them.)

    And number twenty-nine? You have got to get there before 2027, I'm just saying.