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Win a copy of Nobody and Every Other Day by Jennifer Lynn Barnes (ends 2/20)

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Killer Shoes. Literally.

Now we have Mandy Hubbard!
So I heard you were an ex-convict, what crimes did you commit?
Crimes of Fashion. I am always horribly dressed. I think I should be featured on WHAT NOT TO WEAR. Also, I may have stolen a few muses here and there, but I gave them all back.

Are you an assassin for hire or are you like Robin Hood, err girl version though?
I'm totally like Robin Hood. I steal pennies from the sidewalk and put it in those little change jars for charity. That counts, right?

Why are you an assassin? Who was the first person you assassinated?
Barbie. My friend broke all the legs off my toy horses so Barbie had to go. I may have decaptitated her. It was a messy affair.

How much do you charge for each kill?
It depends. Did you buy my book? I have a discount for those who buy my books. Its on a sliding scale.

Do you have a codename?
Agent Couture. You know, becuase I'm so well dressed and all.

What's the best part about your job?
Taking down the pirates. And the ninjas. And on occasion, the sparkly vampires. Don't worry though, I totally left Edward alone.

What types of weapon did you use?
I'm highly skilled with hot pink throwing stars.

Do you prefer a knife, gun, or hands or like Carol, chainsaws?
I am one of three people in the whole world that can knock someone out with a single strand of hair. It's a great party trick.

Do you use high, spiky heels to kill people?
No, I use my heels only for evasive purposes. They look exactly like the red ones on my cover, and if I trip, I can land in another time zone.
Mandy is giving lip gloss! It's high end fashion! The lip gloss is a little round container of sugar cookie flavored lip gloss, with a sticker on the lid that has a high-heel and says "PRADA & PREJUDICE" and then "June 2009" on it.

This is an INTERNATIONAL giveaway!

All you need to do is answer the following question: So I heard you were an ex-convict, what crimes did you commit?

The winning entry will need to have creativity, execution, and by far the most important, humor. Meaning this is NOT a random giveaway. There is no limit to how much you can write or how little you need to write.

For a second chance to win, head on over to Carol's blog where you will receive a second question to answer. Please leave the answer to her question on HER blog. Only one winner will be chosen from the combined entries (meaning we will pick one winner from all the entries from both mine and her blog).

All entries (for all the giveaways) must be received, via commented or emailed, by 25th of April. Winners will be announced at the same time later that week.


  1. So I heard you were an ex-convict, what crimes did you commit?

    Well, there's a long list, some of which, I'd rather not mention. I suppose it all started with my indecent exposure. How was I supposed to know that it wasn't a nudists beach? You should have seen the old grannies gawping. They'll be gossiping for months. That's something they won't find in their Mills and Boon books.

    And the day I shoplifted those big gold hoop earrings from the market. I wasn't meant to get caught!

    The last crime I'll admit to is truancy. Yeah, it's true, I was meant to be at school but it was so hot that I went to the 'nudists' beach.


  2. Well it depends what crime you are refering to... There was the time that I dressed up as barney and went around screaming I will eat you. Can I help it that kids get scared of big dinosaurs?

    This other time I was bored so I broke into my neighbors house. I mean come on, everyone is doing it. Get with the picture MR Parole officer.

  3. Way too may too list, mainly cause I don't remember them all. Last one was shoplifting, I stole the Steve Madden Zestie stiletto boots and this to-die-for, err arrested for, D&G purse. I wasn't even upset that I got arrested, they didn't find the stuff I stole, but then I found out when I got out they would be last season! Grr stupid old woman who turned me in. I mean I get she's mad I got the last pair, but it's not like she could've pulled off the Zestie!

  4. I will not apologize for my criminal record because I had to beat that guy with my copy of Twilight when he said Edward wasn't real!

  5. How could you not kill Edward out of all sparkling vampires???

    I was charged for doing spitballs at annoying kids and attempted murder. Like honestly, how could you not when they run around, singing perverse songs that they could not even understand?? The fact that they try to make a show of it was hair-wrenching! I was ready to take a bat and clobber them all when they went, "Let's play a love game!". Sadly, a cop saw me when I was lying to them that jumping off the roof would make them superheroes.

  6. Diana, hehe. Your sparkly vamps comment made me laugh.

    I cna't kill edward becuase he has a lot of teen fans, and I so totally hope 1 out of 100 of them will buy my book. It's all part of my marketing plan, see? Spare Edward and his eternally greatful fans will become mine.


  7. You got a point... But if you kill Edward, at least 1 out of 100 anti-fans would come buy your book! Aha!

  8. What crime did I commit? Well, it was really really heinous - almost too heinous to admit, in fact.

    Oh, come on, stop prodding me, really I shouldn't -

    Are you really that curious? Okay, just -

    Fine, fine, you've worn me down - I can't take your interrogation strategies - no, no, I must stay strong -

    Okay, okay - you've finally worn me down.

    I'll tell you.

    It was...

    It was a crime of fashion.

    Yes, ladies & gents, I've admitted it. I hope you're pleased.

    What? You want to hear the specifics of this major infraction?! Are you out of your mind? NO? Sheesh, no need for such an emphathetic cry.

    I... went outside.

    Dressed in these hideous grey wool socks and flourescent orange Crocs. (I know, I know - what was I thinking? It gets worse.) I had pyjama pants (Betty Boop) rolled up to be capris, with birght purple tights underneath, and maroon legwarmers on top of that. Er - yeah. On top, I had an off-shoulder maroon, olive green, and dark brown tie-die t-shirt. With a ginormous scarf wrapped toga-style from shoulder to waist.

    Yeah, what was I thinking?

    Such a heinous crime, right? Don't worry - I'm out on parole. I've been sticking it clean and safe. Classic outfits only ;)

  9. Oh gawd, if I told you my MOST serious crime, you can't tell anyone because the police still haven't caught me for this one.

    It all started when I was eating some fried chicken outside. Then this hideous crow (I think they should go on What Not to Wear as well, they're so ugly!) came up to me and was eyeing my chicken. And when it comes to food... YOU. DO. NOT. TOUCH. MY. CHICKEN! So I started yelling at it and telling it to "Go away!" but it still kept lingering. So I started to throw pebbles at it, and before I know it, I start throwing bigger and bigger rocks. Well, one was pretty big and then it actually hit the crow, despite my horrible aim. It was pretty much the crow was going "CAWWWWWW CAWWW C--*splat*". I killed the crow.

    I'm a murderer. I'm a horrible person!

    Anyways, I finished up the rest of my chicken (I still paid for it, so I'm finishing it no matter what!) and quickly went into my car. Being all panicked, I hit the pedal quickly and what do you know--"CAWWW C--*crack*". GAHHHH I killed another crow! Worst day of my life.

    What if the 2 crows were married! What if they had children! What if they had caring families! I feel horrible for it.

    But still, don't let the police know of this. Cause even though I feel bad, HEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL no, I ain't gonna go to jail for this!


  10. Oh, man, I hate talking about this. I lose all my street cred. *pouts*

    See, I got bored and I just wanted to see what would happen.

    I bought a pen that was exactly fifty cents and paid all in pennies.

    I stood in the middle of the street and took the bandaid off my arm.

    I added caffeine to my seven-up.

    I painted a log.

    I watered my lawn while it was raining.

    I turned right on a red light.

    I painted my front door purple.

    I worked on my car in the street.

    I spit on the street.

    Is it my fault Canada has dumb laws?

  11. Crimes of the heart - mostly stabbing people in the heart.

  12. I was put away for murdering everyone at my gym. How was I supposed to know that's not what a "killer workout" involves? In the gym's advertisement, it didn't say otherwise in the fine print. I checked! Pfft. They told me ignorance of the law is no defense.

  13. I said your mom was fat and ugly. And I was only joking too.

  14. I tried to wrangle an alligator to ride down the interstate. It sounds crazy, I know but have you ever seen those suckers run? They're freakishly fast!

    Well, anyway, my license had been taken away from a previous indesretion we don't need to talk about--really, we don't--so it seemed perfectly logical to use the gator.

    It was going fairly well actually--once I ot the leg armor and taped his mouth shut--that was one lesson learned VERY quickly--but then the VW's showed up. It was like a fleet of VW Bug's. For some reason those set the gator off. Any other car I'm sure could have just gone over him--and me once I laid down...but not those.

    I ended up in the hopsital, six VW's were totalled, the gator was killed-which apparently was several crimes..and I shut down the interstate for something like five hours!

    All because I wanted to get to the mall, geez.