Whoops! Last minute request from Kelsey to be interviewed by Crazy Squared!
How old where you when you become a pervy cafeteria lady?
I never even left High School. I got a job at my school right after I graduated. I've always been a okay cooker . . .
What is your degree name?
I don't have a degree. I don't think there is one. School's don't care if you can cook or not. They'll hire anyone.
Do you consider bras a side dish or a main dish?
No, you don't eat them in one, you have to cook them with something else. My favorite is an omelet. Chop them up like ham and put them in with cheese. Yummy!
Are the bra's new or used?
Both. Most are ones I buy at Goodwill though. They have more flavor if they are new. And if they haven't been washed it's the best because the sweat is still there and more tasty! I also don't like to get the ones with the wires. Too much trouble to get them prepared.
Do you have a preference between polka dots or plain ones?
I LOVE polka dot ones. Plain ones are boring. As long as they have a pattern I'm good. But I really like colors. Black and white are so boring. I love the lime green and electric blue and hot pink multi-colored ones. My favorite!
Do you serve your bra?
Me? I don't wear bras! I just eat them! Duh!
I like the smaller ones because they fit in the meals better. The big ones are okay, and sometimes they get more sweat on them, but they are hard to hide in meals.
How do you prepare these bras?
Dipping them in butter will work with anything, but sometimes you have to marinate them over night to taste just right. I don't like working with big ones because they aren't easy to cut. But when I do I sometimes chop them up and if I can, I put them in the blender with what they will be in.
How long does it take the janitor to take your bra off?
You can make your own assumptions on that.
What is the janitor's name?
Fisnik Bora. He's Albania. It means Noble Snow. Cool, huh?
Do you use the cups as bowls?
Off course! Whenever I can get away with it, I like to use them for mac n' cheese! I wish I could use them for soup, but they usually leak . . .
Do you prefer the strapless ones or the ones with straps?
The strapless ones are nice, but with the ones with straps you can put them in the spaghetti.
Push-ups or regular?
I like the extra padding in the push-ups. They are great in sandwiches. The other ones are good in like soup and casseroles.
What is your mystery "surprise"?
It wouldn't be a mystery if I told you, now would it?
Do you have a mole?
Mole! That's absurd! It's a beauty mark.
Why do you mix the chili and the cheese? It looks like puke, ya'know.
To hide the bras in there so the other lunch ladies don't get suspicious. Puke? That's nonsense, you probably haven't even tasted it. It's delicious.
Do you chop up the bras before serving?
Sometimes. It depends on the food I'm serving them in.
What are the calories for them?
You know? I'm not so sure. Why don't you look it up for me sometime?
Which type of students do you like to flirt with? Jock? Nerdy? Goth..etc?
Hmm....I like the nerdy ones the best. They are so inexperienced. It makes it more fun. Plus any guy who reads turns me on.
Do you serve cheap $1 store kinds or sexy Victoria Secret ones?
Victoria Secret is too expensive on my salary. But if I get a raise, I'll be sure to start buying them there. The lace gives a better crunch.
What made you serve bras?
My dog ate one of mine once when I was 14 and it looked really good. I kept it out of my mind for a few years and one time I just decided to try it. Before long all my bras were in my stomach. Then I got this job, and viola! It was "The Perfect" job.
Are you the head lunch lady or do you just dump them in the pots on the sly?
What are the reactions from the students who get the bras?
They have no clue because they taste so goooood. And if they do know, they don't care because they do taste good, y'know.
Do you keep them in the fridge? Or your bust? I keep them in a fanny pack under my apron. It's easier to hide them and slip them in sekritly.
Do the guys use them as slingshots or do they put them on and practice taking them off?
Neither. They really like the protein. If they even tried to use them, it wouldn't work because they would get, say, chili and cheese on themselves.
Kelsey is giving away a copy of Perfect Chemistry OR an ARC of Beautiful Americans! This is a US only giveaway!
Answer this question to be entered: What is your mystery "surprise"?
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2 hours ago