Powered by Blogger.
Win a copy of Nobody and Every Other Day by Jennifer Lynn Barnes (ends 2/20)

Thursday, April 9, 2009

I'm Bringing Sexy Back

Feeling sexy? Want to feel sexy? Then call up Aphrodite aka Sydney Salter!
What's it like being Aphrodite?

Lovely.

Why are you almost always naked?
I hate doing laundry.

So you were born from the sea?
Oh, that’s just a story all parents tell their kids to avoid talking about you-know-what. Why? What did your parents tell you? Storks? Those ugly creatures? Ew.

Why sleep with so many men?
I was head-over-heels in love, sometimes, anyway. And maybe I do have a few father issues. Quit analyzing me. It’s irritating. Why do you like the guy who sits three seats behind you in English, huh? See, it’s irritating.

What's your fascination with love?
Isn’t that what we all really want? I mean, really, have you even watched those desperate wenches on The Bachelor?

Are your sisters constantly jealous?
Their problem, not mine. Like would you blame a strawberry for tasting sweet? I simply can’t help it if I’m more beautiful.

How's it like living in Mt. Olympus?
Not as much nightlife as I’d like—I keep telling Zeus we should relocate to LA or something. Why should Paris Hilton get all the tabloid attention? That girl could never start a war with her face like my gal Helen. And hello? A girl named Paris—like have her parents not even heard about the Trojan War?

What's it like being married to a smith?
Totally lame. Hephaestus may be good with his hands, but he spent all his time making trinkets for the gods, and, yeah, me—but gifts can only get you so far. Not that I wanted his smudgy, stinking, grotesque self anywhere near me, but I had to tell my father something, you know.

Have you ever had the urge to smack Zeus in the face?
Um, yeah. And worse. I can be pretty creative, you know. I’m not just a pretty face. I’ve got brains too.

What about Hera?
No hard feelings. I did get that apple (frankly, Hera’s just not that pretty or smart) And so what if that silly little beauty contest caused a war?

Why did you have an affair with Ares?
Oh, come on. Girls like me always go for the bad boys.

Which do you prefer, your Greek name or your Roman name?
Having the star/planet Venus named for me is nice and all, but I prefer the Greek Aphrodite. It’s harder to spell.

How have you survived all these centuries?
Well, my family stories are far more interesting than anything you people have come up with. Goddesses versus Gossip Girls, I mean, really! Although, I could see myself having a fling with that Chuck Bass fellow…

Fave creature you have had a relationship with?
The more interesting question is what are they saying about me? Just tell me one little thing, please… Pan keeps ignoring my MySpace friend requests.

Is cupid your illegitimate child?
Isn’t he a cutie? Oh, my cherubic little sweetie. Just let me know if you want him to help you hook up with that certain someone. We can totally work something out.
(for a more mature cupid, click here)

Will you take me to Mt Olympus?
No, you take me to LA instead. I want my own Reality Show.

Which of the gods have you not slept with? Or have you slept with all of 'em?
Are you calling me a slut? Well, are you?!? Have you like even read what people are writing about you on Facebook? And you’re talking about me. Humph!

Do you discriminate based on gender or do you have love for everyone?
Everyone deserves love. Everyone! And I’ll go all wrathful on you, if you try to say anything different.

Why are you so concerned with beauty? Do you have low self-esteem issues?
Well, I’m not saying that it’s true, but I may, just might, have a few issues… What do you expect when you grow up hearing that you were created from some dude’s castrated testicles. Let’s just say I always keep a depilatory (Oh, look it up. I told you I’m not stupid) in my makeup bag.

Is Helen of Troy a descendant of yours? I mean she did create a war cause she's so gosh darn gorgeous?
What can I say? Men are fools and do foolish things around beautiful girls. But I think you already know plenty about that, don’t you? I’m totally following you on Twitter so don’t even try to deny it.

Was Helen gorgeous based on our present standards of beauty? What about you?
What’s with everyone wanting to be so skinny these days? You walk around looking like you’ve been traveling around the Aegean with Odysseus for ten years. Don’t you know girls look better with curves? Maybe you should look back to our beauty standards. I’m just saying…

Can you have someone kill someone for me?
What’s in it for me?

How do you stay young-looking? Botox? Face-lifts?
How dare you even ask!?! It’s natural, all natural. Falling in love does wonders for the skin—even after, you know, a few centuries, okay millennia.

How do you keep your boobs perky? Boob job?
A guy carves your likeness in granite—and let’s just say from that point on you work a little harder to stay in shape (push-ups, a little yoga, free weights).

Do you have a secret potion instead?
A little confidence. A lot of attitude. That’s the secret.

How come you gods lost your power or are you like a volcano, getting ready to burst?
Just because you’re not reading about us in People Magazine or on TMZ.com, doesn’t mean we’ve lost power. You think that guy’s crushing on you simply because of your charms? Give us a little credit, huh?

Do you want to stay immortal?
Wouldn’t you? I mean, you know, if you were me.

--Aphrodite, AKA Sydney Salter, author of My Big Nose & Other Natural Disasters
Aphrodite Sydney will be giving a copy of her book My Big Nose and other Natural Disasters, and a charm bracelet to one lucky winner! This giveaway is INTERNATIONAL!

All you need to do is answer the following question: How do you stay young looking?

The winning entry will need to have creativity, execution, and by far the most important, humor. Meaning this is NOT a random giveaway. There is no limit to how much you can write or how little you need to write.

For a second chance to win, head on over to Carol's blog where you will receive a second question to answer. Please leave the answer to her question on HER blog. Only one winner will be chosen from the combined entries (meaning we will pick one winner from all the entries from both mine and her blog).

All entries (for all the giveaways) must be received, via commented or emailed, by 25th of April. Winners will be announced at the same time later that week.

21 comments:

  1. Every time someone kisses me their youth gets sucked into me..that is how I stay young. How about you???

    -Senfaye
    annieluvsmuffin@Gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. I stay young by going to as many sporting events as possible. There is nothing like the love of the game to keep you youthful!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I don't, I just make everyone else look older. It's amazing what ageing potions I can spike your drinking water with. Not even the bottled stuff is safe.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hey I nominated u in my blog ^^

    www.Bloodybookaholic.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  5. Ha, I'm sure you would like to know ;) Well, first and foremost, beauty rest is very important.

    Secondly - and this is a secret, so I expect you to keep it on the down-low - I've discovered a drink, you see, which I've deemed "Portable Fountain of Youth". Would you like to hear what's in it? Yeah?

    Okay.

    The ingredients are as follows: (but do not try this at home, chickies, as I won't be divulging the measurements of how much you need, so don't risk mucking it up, yeah?)

    -Godiva and Lindt chocolate
    -Shirley Temple
    -Fresh bananas, newly plucked from the tree
    -Rose buds
    -Excel gum
    -Virgin "sex on the beach" (the DRINK, THE DRINK - get your minds out of the gutter, you dirty minded people. sheesh.)

    ;) and ta-da. Bottled appearance of youth.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Water, Water, Water...

    Moisturize, moisturize,
    moisturize...

    Sunscreen, sunscreen, sunscreen...

    The Winchester Brothers...

    Aaahhh, Supernatural's on 2~nite.

    The Beach.

    Beauty rest.

    Exercise.

    S.E.X

    ReplyDelete
  7. I avoid sharing house bathrooms with males. Seriously, it saves me soooo much stress, and therefore keeps me sane and looking glorious :)

    pepsivanilla14(at)hotmail(dot)com

    ReplyDelete
  8. First let me ask you a question: How do YOU keep yourself looking young? Huh? No answer? Well, why do you think I'm going to give you one? And besides, who said I didn't look young? Last time I checked I've only bean around since World War 1. And okay, okay - you could probably lose something amidst the wrinkles I have but then that's YOUR problem. And the white colour of my hair? That's a dye people! Don't you ever read the latest fashion magazines?!

    blackink.creampaper@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  9. Bathe in blood of young virgins, muahahaha! Wait, it doesn't smell like blood? Fine, fine, I bathe in V8 juice but blood sounds so much cooler!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I stay young by laughing. A LOT. And exercising. It WORKS! And trust me, I'm ALWAYS laughing! This book sounds amazing!

    (: Bookworm
    ebcella AT comcast DOT net

    ReplyDelete
  11. I stay young looking by taking a drink called A Fountain of Youth in a Instant. I also gets lots of beauty rest and a lot of exercise. I also eat some foods that say they have something in them that make you look younger with just one use.

    Megan
    bookworm8675309@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  12. The secret to my youthful appearance? It's all in the entourage, baby! I've got a team of stylists, personal trainers, nutritionists, etc on call 24/7 and beyond! They could make Medusa look like Angelina Jolie! Um, not that I look like Medusa or anything. Just don't underestimate the power of personal lighting and a good wind machine, is all I'm saying ...

    Lesley

    ReplyDelete
  13. How do I stay young looking you ask? Well, I am still young, how offending!! so....However, I do give out professional tips to people that pay a large fee. Even though I usually charge...I will tell you it for free, yes for free(!!) because of the giveaway, I just can't resist! Here is my trick. Get mad!! Yell! Shout! Bang things around!! Whatever as long as you are acting angry! It gives a nice flush to your cheeks and makes you look nice and young and like a baby (when they are crying of course!)! And...it helps cover all of those wrinkles and pimples! Perfect solution, eh?

    booksforteens@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  14. Pfft, I don't use some funky crap on my face to look young. I just age slowly. And I mean, REALLY SLOWLY. I'm 4653 years old, but everyone thinks I'm 14. What the heck people! That is so uncool. For 500 years, I was at 500 different pre-schools, just so I could blend in! BOOOOO-RING. Then for 3000 years I was in elementary schools. And then for another 1000 years, I was in middle school. And now, for 53 years, I've been in high school. GAWSH! I want to find some aging products at Sephora, but what a surprise--they don't have any! I know it's great to look young, but really, at 14 you can't really go pick up the hot guys. And that's what we girls live for!

    michelle.kuool(at)yahoo(dot)com

    ReplyDelete
  15. There's this chicky who lives above my loft, once a month she gives me this little bottle of some yucky potion and I haven't aged a day in four hundred and seventy two years. Why do you ask? Oh, heck no I'm not gonna give you her name and number.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Oh Please.

    I take the Joan Rivers aproach and go the plastic surgery route. I haven't had many mind you, but a little touch up here and then is all I need as you see, I have naturly youthful skin.

    And I also enjoy to bathe in honey. I heard once that honey was good for a facial...so I stepped it up a notch and just decided to give my entire body one :]

    Any other hints would have to cost you.

    -tina238567@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  17. Poison apples. It's good being an evil queen, you know. Every time I give a poison apple to another young beauty, I turn from the old crone I've become to a young, healthy princess again. And it really is true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away - as long as it's poisoned and not you eating it!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Oh, I know this one. I have it all right here in my great-great-grandmother's journal. *Flip, flip, flip* Yep, here it is. It's really quite simple. First, ye must harvest the milk of three Pashmina goats on a midsummer's night, and then mix it with the blood of five virgins. Be sure that they are pure of heart, mind, body and soul. Then boil the mixture, adding to it the eyes of five swans, along with the crown of a peacock's head. Once the mixture has reached a fine consistency, drink it on the night of a full moon with...

    Oooookay, you know what? That's enough of that. Why don't we just stick to eating our vegetables and drinking our fluids, and I'll just go burn this thing... or something. Forget I said anything.

    ReplyDelete
  19. EXCUSE ME?! I am the goddess of love and beauty. I have no need to stay young because I am eternally young. You're just jealous because I'm immortal and you're not. *sticks out tongue, still looks as beautiful as ever*

    I ought to turn you into a goat for asking that. Mustn't offend the gods. Especially not this goddess!

    paradoxrevealed (at) aim (dot) com

    ReplyDelete
  20. Young? Why I'm Dolly Parton and if ya got the money and ya got the man, young is what ya are. Every two months I go get ma face done and those docs put a whole buncha Botox in makin' ma face slick smooth. And with these babies down here, boys can't resist ya. Why, those 20 something just can't stop lookin' at me. Don't believe those lies people throw at you to exercise or eat this or that. Tummy tucks is what ya need and let those docs cut out any bit of fat there is, how else do you think I am curvy? Now, don't forget the booby implants! Those babies need to be big to be young.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I swallow robin's eggs whole...then I alternate with earthworms every three weeks :)

    It's one of the things in my life that I can't really elaborate on because it tends to gross people ou and get them to send PETA after me, so I think that's all I have to say on the matter.

    ReplyDelete